About

Hello and welcome to my site! Here you will find out all about my journey through weight loss and getting healthy and fit. Included you will also find other bits of my personal life intertwined. I would like to invite you to tag along for the ride. Please feel free to subscribe to my site and follow along!

So let’s start with the basics. My name is Jessica and I am 25 years old. I am married to the love of my life, John. Together we have the most amazing and beautiful little boy, Levi who will be 5 next month, 2 angels and 2 furbabies.

I guess my weight problems back when I was a child. My father was never around so it was just me and my Mom. She was a great mom who did her very best to take care of me. But often that meant endless nights of pasta and macaroni and cheese. Don’t get me wrong here – I’m Italian and LOVE me some pasta. But we rarely had veggies or fruit. Maybe some here and there but it was never encouraged to be eaten. But there was always plenty of sweets. My Nani also always had sweets on hand. She’s the most amazing Grandmother anyone could ask for – but she often would (and still does) push the candy, soda and baked goods down your throat.

As I grew up I lost many people I loved in my life. I didn’t know how to handle the deaths and I became depressed. In that depression I easily turned to food. Mix in puberty and all the crap that happens in school and it was horrible. I can remember sitting down after school and eating an entire package of oreo’s. No one stopped me. So why not, right? What child wouldn’t dream to eating an entire box of cookies! I used to see my mom sitting around eating a bag of chips so I really didn’t see anything wrong with it. To me it was normal. To me eating all of that junk food was healthy. I didn’t really realize how bad it was for me until much, much later.

I have OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don’t have it nearly as bad as a lot of people. However, I do have it. And around the age of 14 I started getting sick whenever I would eat meat. So I had this great idea of becoming a vegetarian! I told my mother and my Nani. It was clear they didn’t approve, but they couldn’t talk me out of it. But the truth of the matter was, I didn’t know how to be a vegetarian. I knew there were different types: Pescatarian, Flexitarian, Lacto-ovo-vegetarian, Vegan, etc. But I didn’t know how to do it. There wasn’t a lot of healthy food in the house, and lets face it. Even what we did have in the house – I didn’t want to eat. Vegetables and fruits were gross! So I ate cookies. Yes. My idea of being a vegetarian was eating cookies for my meals. No lie. I did that for a YEAR. A YEAR. After a year I got extremely sick and the doctor said I needed to change my eating habits drastically or I’d be hospitalized. So I ate meat again. First thing I ate? My mom’s meatloaf. I remember eating it out of the fridge with a fork. I was terrified I’d get caught eating it. I don’t know why – but that’s how I felt.

I remember not having any clothes that fit for school. I had 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts. It was mortifying. I ended up wearing a white windbreaker every single day in hopes of hiding my fat body and the clothes covering it. I even wore that windbreaker in summer. I roasted in it, but it was better than the alternative to me. I remember my moms friend “kidnapping” my windbreaker from me so I’d have to go to school without it. I ended up breaking down in her living room just crying hysterically because I was terrified of leaving the house without it. She gave in after an hour or two.

Fast forward a few more years. I’m 18 and I have my first job working customer service. By now I have been diagnosed with IBS – Irritable Bowel Syndrome. So for those of you who don’t know – it pretty much means I need to be free to use the bathroom whenever. Anyways, where I worked I often was on shift by myself. So if I got sick I had to wait for security to come and watch the place for me. It was horribly embarrassing! I can remember them coming into the bathrooms making sure I was okay. I appreciated it but boy did I want to hide and not show my face again!  So my solution was to eat only one time a day. I would eat a crispy chicken sandwich with lemonade from Nathans every day I worked. I quickly dropped down to my lowest weight of 165. I felt SO good about myself!

After I met my now husband, he took me out to eat all the time. Well, I never had that luxury growing up! I mean sure we would eat out sometimes – but never on an almost daily basis! So of course we got steak, potatoes, desserts, donuts, etc etc. I quickly ballooned back on up.

*Looking back I can see that Nani showered us with food because she grew up without very much. So she compensated for that. My mom grew up with that so that in combination of no money I ended up growing up with it. So the instant I was able – I did the same. I overindulged to make up for it too. I’m glad I can realize it.*

After I had my son I had an injury to my tailbone which prevented me from moving around too much for the first year of his life. I was bed bound quite often because of the pain. So you can imagine – I gained even more. After my injury got better, I was so used to just sitting around and doing nothing – that’s what I continued to do. And that is how I got up to 266 lbs. The most I have ever weighed.

So in March of 2010 the lightbulb went off and I was finally able to begin my healthy journey AND stick with it. Then in November of 2010 we found out we were pregnant! We were thrilled! 3 days later, we lost the baby. It was heartbreaking. I reverted right back to my old self. I’ve gained back all but 27lbs that I lost and I know now that if I want to live a healthy life AND get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy – things need to change. So here I am again. Pouring my heart out in making myself vulnerable.

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

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